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The Sister Wound

December 10, 2019

I’m Sam.
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I was never the ‘popular girl’ in school…

I never ‘fitted in’. Partly because my mother dressed me differently to the ‘fashion’ the other girls followed and rather dressed me in old fashioned, stuffy clothes like blazers and matching dresses to my sister who was 5 years my junior, and partly because every piece of confidence and self esteem had been depleted, again, by my mothers treatment of me.

In all of my schools, colleges and then university, there would be a group of girls I called the ‘Clique’ – they always seemed to be laughing, in the ‘know’, have the best clothes, and generally gave off the feeling that not only were they cooler than everyone else, but that their circle was utterly impenetrable. No outsiders allowed. And all outsiders were definitely not good enough. Being the highly sensitive kid that I was, this affected me deeply. I didn’t actually know if I liked the girls in the Clique (because I didn’t really know them), but at the same time I really wanted to be part of it. I wanted so much to be liked, seen and feel like I belonged. Instead, I felt an outsider.

REJECTED.

I was teased, name-called and bullied. This continued into my early adulthood and my nursing career. I never seemed to be a part of the ‘Clique’ but so needed to be be seen and loved by those girls in those exclusive groups. In my mind, they ran in super-tight circles, knew each other very well… and were somehow more successful and living a better life than me. 

The thing I always noted was that the ‘Cliques’ were always women, never men. This was about Sisterhood, and feeling excluded from special Sisterhood in one way or another.

It wasn’t until I reached my mid-40’s that I discovered Women’s Circles and Ritual, and so much around Sisterhood changed for me. Not being part of any ‘cool’ cliques became even less important, and feeling a belonging in groups of like-minded women who understood me and did not judge me, took top priority.

Over the last few months, I have noticed the Sister Wound show up in my business. Not with clients, prospects or marketing, all of that feels so natural and aligned and I feel totally in my power, in my authenticity, and embodied in those areas. The Sister Wound is showing up in how I interact with colleagues that I am working on various joint venture projects, inviting them to collaborate and co-create with me. I have noticed in myself a fear of rejection, and a need to impress ~  wondering if I’ll be accepted and admired and loved… I started second guessing myself and wondering: Am I good enough? Will she respond to my invitation? Will she like my project? Does she like ME?I see on Facebook that she is friends with such ’’n’ such, and so ’’n’ so,  is this another Clique that I don’t know how to be a part of?

Of course the fear is different, and not as all-encompassing as when I was younger. I’m not attached to the outcome with it, but I want to share with you that it IS there. I can see very clearly how I’ve created an incredibly successful business, largely (and purposely) WITHOUT calling on the support of colleagues because of my Sister Wound. Yet we all know having collaborators and supporters makes EVERYTHING easier, right? But something held me back.

The Sister Wound runs deep: Even for someone like me who has done so much work on it, who knows the importance of Sisterhood, who is a leader in the field, and who supports other leaders around it. Even for the coaching and healing industries where women-preneurs are so evolved, and where the industry is based on changing the paradigm of the business world.It is there.

I believe the Sister Wound is still active and activated because of how women have been pitted against each other for centuries, creating a competitive culture where women tear one another down rather than build one another up. I can see how Patriarchal Culture has ensured that it will prevail because it knows what can happen when women really come together fully. 

But I also believe we have come a long, long way, and will continue to do so, and how Women’s Circle and Ritual will play a huge part in dismantling the Patriarchy and empower women to come together and rise fully into their potential, as individuals and sisters.

I feel vulnerable sharing this here, but I am doing so because I know there are countless women experiencing this right now, and I want you to see that it can show up at any level of success or visibility. And I share this because I want to invite you to shift it for yourself…with ripple effects happening globally.

How can you heal your Sister Wound?

First step is to be aware and honest with yourself around how the Sister Wound shows up in your life and business. Where does it show up? What parts of your life does it affect? How does it make you feel? Watch it, catch it, and when it gets out of hand, remind it that you are so loved, and so wonderful, and that we are all Daughters of Spirit, with our own joys and our own human struggles. We are all equal.

Second Step is to find your tribe. Discover Women’s Circle and experience it for yourself!  This month, on June 22nd, I will be facilitating a Sistership™️ Circle Day, here in Calgary. We will be gathering in the Fish Creek Park and experiencing a beautiful ritual in celebration of the Summer Solstice and Sisterhood!

You can catch all the details here.

Until next time,

In Sistership,

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